Welcome to my blog, it's all about how penises work, I admit that I don't have one, but I do have a husband, and a younger brother, and a father so that basically makes me an expert anyway. I know what you're thinking, "how can you possibly be an expert or even qualified to talk to me about something in which you have no personal knowledge and understanding?" well the answer is simple, I am taking my cues from all the men who write about feminism, obviously a subject doesn't need to be personally relevant for you to weigh in on it. On that note, look for my upcoming spin off blogs on being 85 years old in 1977 and using model trains to teach puppies yoga.
Penis is a really funny word, especially if you are 8 years old, actually penises (peni?) look kinda funny too, epseically when they aren't erect, although when they are erect, the face of the penis owner is usually pretty funny looking so I guess there's some kind of penis to humor ratio that means there's basically always something to giggle about when you think about a penis.
The average length of a penis when full extended is 10 inches, at least that's what my high school boyfriend told me, I never really got a look at his and I haven't personally measured any but from what I've seen in pornography (which is a LOT, just so ya know) that seems pretty legit. Having a penis is a big responsibility, because they're uncontrollable, and can just pop up out of nowhere (see what I did there?) and apparently can't restrain themselves around women in short skirts or in some cases even young girls who clearly shouldn't have been allowed to dress that way.
But the most important thing about penises (just so y'all know I'm being serious) is that they entitle you to tonnes of free shit, especially white heterosexual penises. Being a penis owner means you can pretty much write your ticket, you aren't expected to stay home with any children you may produce by random penis emissions into the vagina's of whichever "cum-dumpsters" you decide to put your penis into. You also are not required or even invited to make decisions surrounding whatever products of conception your tool creates, and your career will be largely un-phased by fatherhood or any other shenanigans your penis gets you into. You will be rewarded for your penis-related-conquests by your fellow dude-bros and rarely chastised for your promiscuous nether-regions, after all penises are uncontrollable. You will be granted a "free pass" for "thinking with the little head" or "sowing your wild oats" because after-all your penis made you do it.
Pretty much penises are what make normal rational well adjusted people do a great number of things that "aren't the penis owners fault". So because I am qualified to tell you about penises I'm going to tell you where and what you should do with your penis, discipline it, learn to control it, like you would a bull dog, baring that keep it in your damn pants. And while your down there admiring, disciplining and otherwise playing with your precious manhood, do me another favor and stay out of feminism.
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